HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S: Steps to Becoming A Great Doctor

What do you think makes a great doctor? To follow are Audrey’s steps in becoming the best doctor you can be.

            Steps to Becoming a Great Doctor

Most people think becoming a doctor takes a lot of hard work and determination. This is partly true being that to become a doctor, you have to be dedicated to all the responsibilities you are about to take on. In order to begin your career as a doctor, you must take the following steps.

Handwriting (Photo credit: gusset)

First of all, of course we all need sleep. Sleep is one of the most critical things to becoming a doctor. You must have so much sleep in order to function and see patients for, oh, about thirty seconds at a time. Sleep so much that you forget all your appointment times and have people waiting on you. Having people wait on you makes it seem like you are actually doing more important things, rather than napping in your office.

All doctors have sloppy handwriting, so sloppy hand writing is extremely important. When you get a chance, practice making your handwriting as horrible as possible. This will make you appear like a real doctor. Every doctor has handwriting that is illegible, so make sure you have this down just right. Having messy handwriting will help you to blend in with all the other doctors and will make you fit in right where you need to.

As a doctor, you must learn to always make time for yourself. No matter how ill a patient is and no matter how much patients rely on you leave for the day. Pick a random day of the week and take off! If your appointments are all booked for that day, be spontaneous and call in that morning. No one likes a boring doctor! This will keep your patients guessing, and they will definitely want to come back no matter how upset they are.

Always remember to mention the follow-up visit. Figuring out what is wrong with the patients is the easy part because all you have to do is Google it like everyone else. Now, getting them to come back is like taking candy from a baby. Do not forget to let the patients know that they will need to come back for a follow-up visit to keep track of their health. Every patient will feel that this is necessary and will immediately do this. Now, if it is not necessary let them know that it is drastically necessary to come back in order for them to get better. The more patients come back, the more money you make, and, hey, that is what being a doctor is all about, right?

With all that being said, being a doctor takes hard work. It is not as easy as it sounds. It definitely takes a special person to be capable of this task. Just remember to be late as much as you possibly can, that sloppy hand writing is the key to fitting in, and the “follow-up” appointment is always the best way to end a doctor’s visit. With these simple steps, you will be the best doctor patients will be begging to come back. After all, more patients means more money!








Distance education
Distance education (Photo credit: mcwetboy)


Adjunct Orientation

“Kim. I’ve submitted your name to the Dean for Distance Learning.”

Strains of “Hallelujah Chorus” streamed from the ceiling and swelled in the hallways.  Sexual harassment be damned, I  hauled off and hugged my Department Chair.

“Thank you! When do I start?”

I’ve waited for this opportunity since a   friend  started teaching online.

“How do you get on?” I asked her, one day.

“Simple. Just put in your name for it. When there’s a spot, someone will call you.”

Imagining myself  learning the trade at my own pace, setting my own virtual office hours, and teaching computer-savvy students, I wasted no time in tossing my name into the hat.

After a five-year lapse,  the opportunity presented itself  with a shiny, red bow.  My colleagues rejoiced.

“You’ll never have to  worry about not having a class.”

“Even when you’re in a  retirement home, you can teach class from your laptop.”

Now, as I sit in the sparsely-populated Distance Learning Orientation, search for the “Any” key, and read and re-read instructions intended for the Geek Squad, I can identify with my students’ frustration with my well-intentioned instructions for “simply” logging on to the school site or

“What’s the matter?” I felt like asking them, in the past.  “You have photos, diagrams…cave-man drawings…right in front of you, so why can’t you upload  your papers by the deadline?”

Now, here I am in their seats.  Now, I understand.

Once, I saw a movie about a doctor who became more empathetic with his patients after becoming a patient, himself. Wearing the same gaping hospital gowns. Being roused from  a sound sleep for tests in the middle of the night.  Choking down hospital food he wouldn’t feed his dog.  Reclaiming his dignity and self- respect only after he walked through  his own front door.

Last night and most of today, after I nearly pulled my hair out and almost forgot my Christian upbringing over the frustration of having to repeat an activity at least ten times, could I relate with what my students must feel.  I expect that trading places with them for  six weeks will refresh my memory and restore my empathy for those young people  on the sunny side  of  my desk.