HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S: How to Baby-Sit Your Neighbors’ Kids The Right Way


English: A man laying in bed smoking weed.
English: A man laying in bed smoking weed. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Neighbors ever ask you to watch their little darlings?  Follow Veronica’s advice and you’ll soon become the baby-sitter.their kids will never —  I mean NEVER — forget!

How-To Babysit Your Neighbors Kids the Right Way

   Do you like kids? Enjoy babysitting? Everyone has babysat someone at least once, either a brother, sister, or both, a cousin, a friend, anyone. Maybe you’re the typical babysitter. Everyone comes to you to take care of their children for a couple of hours. You’re most likely used to it too. This Friday night, your neighbor wants to go to a dinner party, and kids aren’t allowed, therefore, they ask you to babysit their seven year-old and nine year-old boys. You probably already had plans for friends to come over that night, but you say yes anyways.  You don’t want to cancel plans with your friends so you need to find movies to entertain the kids upstairs. You also have to make frozen bananas covered in poop with sprinkles on top. Their favorite! It’s six-thirty already, they ring the doorbell, you then, take them upstairs with their nutritional snack and put on a nice kids movie. It should keep them calm for a while. Later, your friends start to arrive. You all are enjoying sex talks, watching porn, and smoking weed in the living room downstairs.   

   All you hear is stomping and running coming from upstairs. This is where you go and check up on them, give them a smack on the head with a baseball bat, and tell them to behave and watch the movie. Is noise coming from upstairs again? The Disney movie didn’t calm them down, so now you need to put on a rated-r movie. The rated-r movie shows nothing but guns, drugs, sex, and bad words. The kids will love that! They’ll for sure be calm for at least an hour and a half. After the movie is over, you will hear more annoying kid noises. When that happens, you go upstairs again. This time you will need some strong tape. Tie both of their hands and feet together. Then, put them in the storage closet, that way no noises will affect your gathering with friends.         

Somehow, the boys found a way to untie themselves and get loose. You are probably getting really tired of going up and down the stairs, and your friends are getting really irritated and want to leave. You don’t want your friends to leave, now, go upstairs and bring the boys downstairs with you. Give them each a blunt so they can smoke with y’all. Bring them to the couch and sit them there to watch porn too. They will for sure behave and barely even talk. You and your friends may not even notice they are there. After a few blunts that they’ve smoked they fall asleep, finally.                                                                                                                       

  The kids’ mom calls you and tells you they will be there in half an hour. Make sure to clean everything up. Your friends have to start leaving. Spray febreeze all over the house, the smell of the smoke and weed will go away. Put on the Disney movie the kids were watching, that way their parents think they were watching a kid’s movie. Get some bandages to put on the kids heads for the bruises you left them with the baseball bat. Tell their parents they both had a pimple and decided to pop them. Five minutes until they arrive, and the kids are still asleep. Just lie down next to them and pretend y’all were just having a nice movie night.  Let their parents know you will gladly babysit anytime. They had a great time smoking, I mean, watching movies.

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