HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 28: “Dirt: It’s What’s For Dinner”

a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, top slice ...
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, top slice of bread turned clockwise to show the peanut butter and jelly filling (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


“It’s gooooood, y’all…” says Paula Deen of any recipe full of butter or bacon. Well, make way for a new favorite ingredient, as Melissa shares her culinary secrets to making the perfect midnight snack.


Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and craved a midnight snack? The perfect snack is a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, also known as a PB&J.

There are certain ways to make a PB&J. You must be real precise to get the perfect sandwich. First thing first, you must pour yourself a huge glass of milk, but make sure it’s spoiled. You want the perfect balance of sweet and sour; the more curdled the milk is, the better. Also, make sure you pour it in a dirty, used glass. The dirtier, the better. You want to make sure you do this important step first because you definitely don’t want cold milk straight out of the refrigerator. You want it at room temperature, nice and lukewarm. The second step to making your delicious PB&J is to get two slices of bread; if you don’t have bread, you can use hamburger buns, hot-dog buns, or even two pieces of paper. Anything will do actually to hold in all of your ingredients in sandwich formation. The next step you want to do is get out your peanut butter and take a huge scoop out, but make sure you use your hands! Otherwise, the sandwich won’t taste right. Spread around the peanut butter (still using your hands) but don’t wash your hands, just yet. Go outside and rub your hands in the dirt, then come back to your PB&J and rub one more layer of peanut butter with your hands. You really want to get that extra crunch from the dirt particles. It makes it delicious. You’re almost done with your PB&J. At this point, you need to cut your sandwich in half, put it on a serving plate (if you don’t have a clean one, then don’t worry about it. A dirty dish is perfectly fine), and make sure you eat all of it. You better make enough for everybody, or boy, will they be jealous!

So, what’s your favorite secret ingredient?.


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