HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 26: Giving Him “the Boot”

Waiter, Make Mine Blues
Waiter, Make Mine Blues (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Ever find yourself wanting to let someone down easily, but he or she won’t take the hint?  If so, Ta’honey has some foolproof advice for giving him the “boot”. .

You’re on, Ta’honey!


In this paper, I’m going to tell you how to get rid of a man. Ladies, be sure to get your note pads out for this. We all wonder — at times — how am I going to get rid of him? Well, no more worries, ladies, I have all the answers for you. Some men just don’t get it when you let them down easy, so, therefore, you go for the jugular. So here are the first steps of how to get rid of him.

First date, he going to pick you up at eight o’clock, so make sure you are extremely late getting ready; let’s say, about two hours. Tell him to come in. It will only be a minute. Then, as he’s waiting, start to bring out clothing and asking him what he thinks you should wear. So, after about five dresses, when he picks the one he likes, you pick the opposite. Then, of course, what’s an outfit without shoes? Then start on the shoes, and make sure you have at least five to six pairs for him to give his opinion on.

While he’s waiting, you forget to mention that you had a two-year-old son. Start off by telling him he needs to watch your son while you take a shower and get ready; it will only take a minute. Second, let him know that the baby’s food is in the fridge and he needs to warm it up and sit down and feed it to him. He doesn’t know that your son hates peas and does nothing but spits them out and makes a complete mess. Now that he has waited for you for two hours, of course, he has peas on his shirt in time for the date.

First thing to do after getting into the car, rmove his CD out of the radio and take your booty-dancing CD and put that one in and make sure that the music is so loud that he can’t hear himself think. Remember, you want him to take you to the raunchiest place to have dinner. So, I’m thinking, the hole-in-the-wall restaurant that the local gang-bangers, drug dealers, and strippers go to have a quick meal. Finally, in the restaurant and while the waiter is waiting on you, go out of your way to make sure you are the most complicated customer that she has ever come in contact with. Start by asking the waiter if she thinks your man is cute. Then, go on telling her that you would love for him to marry you in two weeks and then have a baby, afterwards. Remember, your goal is to make him as uncomfortable as possible. While waiting on the food, pop your gum and be very obnoxious. Make every conversation an argument. When the food arrives, tell the waiter that this is the wrong food and someone must have gotten your order mixed up. Now, he’s so mad you can see the smoke coming out of his eyes, but still go on as such like there is nothing wrong. When the different meal comes out, tell the waiter never mind, you don’t want anything to eat since the cook can’t seem to get it right. Now that you have spoiled his appetite he probably wishes that he could just disappear. On the way home, be sure to ask when he is taking you on another date. If you get the silent treatment, then you have successfully gotten rid of this guy. Last, but not least, you ave to go out with  a bang. Tell him to drop you off at a friend’s house but what he doesn’t know is that your friend is actually your boyfriend. Ooops!


So, have you ever done anything to get rid of someone? What did you do, and what was the other person’s reaction?


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