HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 10: “Facing Down The Devil in Diapers”

Adventures in Babysitting
Adventures in Babysitting (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Cornered by drooling demons in diapers? Have no fear. Paitra, a seasoned babysitter, offers a battle plan for babysitters to win the battle over enemies forty pounds and under.


Babysitting is a war between the babysitter and the enemy — the children. To successfully overcome the enemy and win the battle, there are procedures and war techniques that must be followed.

The first mission is to create a safe environment for the enemy. It is a trick to make them think the sitter is weak and a pushover. The sitter must hide all things that attract the enemy such as glass vases and scissors and other objects that children like to play with. These objects, if not hidden, will be a weapon to the enemy that will make anyone go crazy and pull his or her hair out. One must limit the battleground to designated areas and give them names such as playroom and bathroom. These areas are where children are allowed to go. The play room will be the room that is also in disguise to the enemy.  The room contains toys and games that will distract the enemy from getting into any trouble and at the same time entertain them. Then, at all times, one must keep a first-aid kit. This kit is the most important weapon that will help win the battle. This kit will help return the children back to their parents in the best condition.

Next, the sitter states rules to the enemy. The rules, which are the second weapon, will help contain the little monsters living inside the sweet-faced children, and will not allow them to destroy the safe environment. These rules should be no jumping on furniture, no running inside the house, and no food or drinks in the battleground, if hungry, tell the babysitter, if thirsty, tell the babysitter, and if hurt, tell the babysitter. If babysitting more than one child, firmly set down the rule that sharing is caring. If they do not follow that rule or any rule, the enemy must sit in time-out for five minutes. Not only are there rules for the enemy, but there is one rule for the babysitter. If during the battle the enemy gets absolutely quiet and there is no noise happening one should be alarmed and put up the guards. This is a sign that the enemy is plotting and is up to something to get in trouble.

Finally, a sitter must have a battle plan or an agenda. The agenda is what is used against the enemy to keep them from plotting and scheming. Set a TV time that allows them to watch their favorite shows, and then allow them to have story time where they pick out a book and read for five to ten minutes. When story time is through, allow them to burn some energy outside during play time. Outside play time is the third weapon which will allow them to get tired and ready for lunch time. During lunch time, prepare a good meal to fill up the little monsters inside the children. This will lead into movie time, where the kids will relax and lie down to watch a Disney movie. Then, by the end of the movie, the children should be asleep and will already be indulging in naptime. This agenda, if followed correctly, will lead to success in the battle and the baby-sitter will have won.

The battle of babysitting is to make a safe environment for the kids, place rules for them, and keep busy for the entire day. By the parents come to pick them up, they will have enjoyed their day and the babysitter will have won the battle.


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