HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 7: There’s a Zombie at The Door!

English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbur...
English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbury Park NJ, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Dear readers, the end is near! To follow is Christian’s advice for surviving the dreaded zombie apocalypse:


What will anyone do whence the world ends and man is nearly extinct? Humans are forced to burrow deep below the earth’s surface escaping zombies, mutants, and nuclear waste that could leave a man with six tentacles. As the world comes together in these  trying times with whatever materials could be savaged, mankind can only ask how to survive.

The first thing to get as the time of doom comes nearer would be a generator. “Why a generator?” some may ask. Well there is a couple of reasons behind getting these machines, one obviously it’s going to be dark beneath the earth’s surface having a generator will guarantee a good source of electricity for all your basic needs, such as lights, television, video games, and computers to keep the family motivated to live. Really, who would be willing want to live in the ground with nothing to do? Keeping everyone entertained lowers the risk of suicide. Now that you have the generator up and moving and your cavern lite up you can move on to the next essential need.

Your next tool to surviving the end of the world would have to be food. It’s obvious to survive, but what else would food be used for? Well, if emergency calls and the cave is in jeopardy of being overrun by zombies, that good old steak could come in handy, set it as a decoy for one of those terrifying man eaters and while that mutant is face deep in that juicy slab of beef that is the chance to strike! This brings me to the next and maybe the most vital thing needed in surviving one of these apocalyptic take-overs.

Guns and lots of them I’m talking more than the U.S. Army and of any kinds from shotguns (the one hit zombie wonder) all the way down to squirt guns, well not really squirt guns but you get my drift. The reason for having  guns is obvious, something to kill those deadly pests and protect everyone in the cavern. Now the best ways to get some guns for the brigade is the hunting goods store, after the world is a zombie inhabited wasteland just go up to the local mall and get as many weapons you may need for your stay underground.

Now you have your guns, food, and electricity, everything to make sure your survival at the end of the world should be a long and entertaining one, good luck surviving the apocalypse and stay safe.


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