HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 8: “Nothin’ Says Lovin…”

Chocolate Chip Cookies 018
Chocolate Chip Cookies 018 (Photo credit: MGF/Lady Disdain)


Another semester down, another batch of essays up. Move over, Pillsbury! Eat your heart out, Betty Crocker. Here comes Emily with a steaming batch of cookies:


Everyone loves a delicious batch of yummy chocolate-chip cookies, so I’m here to give you the recipe to the most incredible cookie you will ever put into your mouth. This recipe is nothing like your grandmother’s cookies! Oh, no! You will NEVER forget this cookie.

The first thing you want to do is go to your local grocery store and go around to the back where they throw out all of their foods. I can guarantee that they have some butter and eggs back there. After all, recycling is what it is all about, these days. If possible, you might want to pick up salt and flour (forget sugar). After you pick up all of your ingredients, it’s time to start baking.

Once you get home, you want to reach into your dishwasher and pull out the bowl you used for meat loaf, last night (the meat taste adds a zing). Once you have that out, you can combine the eggs, flour, salt, baking soda, bleach, baking powder, and butter. Do not worry about the god-awful smell. That means it is coming along nicely. Next, you want to call up your dealer and get about a gram of weed from him, just so your cookies will have that special kick. Once you have that, you can go ahead and mix it with your awful, I mean amazing, cookie dough.

Next, you want to preheat your oven to, oh, let us say, about 400 degrees. While it is heating up, go ahead and add your chocolate chips. If you do not have any chocolate chips, just catch some of the flies that are swarming around your dough. They will do nicely.

Once you have your dough all ready, it’s probably about time to shape those cookies. Since round cookies are too mainstream, you can use other shapes like triangles or squares. Either one is good.

When you have your cookies all shaped, it’s time to put those bad boys in the oven. Set your timer for 40 minutes or until you smell something burning. If they”re black and crispy that means they’re done. Before you eat these cookies, you want to make sure you are up to date with your vaccinations. Bon appetit!


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