HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, PART 2: Noe’s Tips on Interviewing

At a job interview
At a job interview (Photo credit: Arroz y Asado)


To follow is Noe’s advice on preparing for a job interview:


Landing a job is an important goal in anyone’s life. However, there are several steps one must take before going to that first day of training. The most important step is the interview process. All interviews are different and some people interview better than others, but having a good interview truly boils down three important techniques: dressing properly, making a good first impression, and selling yourself. Though they may seem like no-brainers, proper usage of each technique will assist the interviewee in landing that desired position.

Dressing properly for any interview is important. The goal of this technique is to keep you as relaxed and comfortable as possible during the interview. Wearing soft, loose-fitting clothing is highly recommended. Shorts, pajamas, baggy t-shirts, or even bringing a blanket are great clothing choices for an interview. Seeing that you do not need a dress or a fancy suit and tie will communicate to the interviewer that you are a confident and competent employee who thinks outside the box.

It is also important to make good first impression with the interviewer and their company at large. This can be done in several ways. The first way is to try and research who you will be interviewing with beforehand. Cyber stalk them. Do this through Google or by searching them on Facebook. See if you can determine what kind of beer they were drinking in any bar photos or office parties. Find out if they are married and determine if their spouse is hot or not. These two simple talking points will give you something to discuss with the interviewer and form a connection. The second way to make a good impression is to physically stalk them. Go to their company website or LinkedIn profile and try to match a face with the person you will be meeting with. Then, simply loiter in the company parking lot and wait for them to leave. Follow them home and voila! You will know where they live and can easily keep tabs on them. This way you can start shopping where they shop, go to the same hair stylist, or see the same movie at the same time. Using this crafty trick will allow you to “accidentally” bump into them, which will give you the opportunity to form a rapport with them before the interview.

The last techniqueand perhaps the most important is the ability to sell yourself. You need to portray to the interviewer that you are highly skilled and talented in many areas that will benefit the company. Knowiong which skills to highlight about yourself depends entirely on what sort of company you are applying to work for. If it is a pharmaceutical company, brag about how long you have been making your own drugs at home. Meth is tricky to make properly and by divulging the fact that you have been cooking meth for years will show that you have on-the-job experience. Or, if you are applying to work at a brewery, mention how often you go out drinking and that you love beer so much that your wife or husband and kits left you for it years ago. Having barely any social life is a big plus for employers, because you will be more dedicated to focus on their company if you do not have anyone at home waiting for you. Being adaptable and knowing which experiences to draw upon is key when going in for an interview.

There you have it: three very useful and easy techniques that will have you dressing to impress, showing that you know how to take initiative, and explaining why you will become a key asset in their company. Those three things are what separate the bad interviewees from the good ones. I will now leave you to tackle the job world with one last piece of advice: whenever a hiring manager tells you they are not interested or that you are not “qualified” enough for the position, they really mean the opposite. This is a ploy and a challenge to see just how dedicated you are to this job. So stay persistent and keep sending the company fruit baskets, framed photos of yourself, and singing telegrams that shout praises of how great you are. Bribes or threats never hurt either.


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