HUMOROUS HOW-TO’S, Part 30: Brownies with a Bonus

Gooey Chocolate Brownies
Gooey Chocolate Brownies (Photo credit: Moomettes)


Hankering for brownies but short on money, time, and ingredients? Not to worry. Here’s Jezyka with a simple, foolproof recipe for any budget or palate. *stepping aside* The kitchen’s all yours, Jezyka.


Have you ever wanted to make delicious brownies but just didn’t know how to? Well, I’m going to give you the recipe for the worst…I mean, best...brownies,  ever. They are very simple to make, too. You only need two ingredients, which you could probably find just about anywhere. If you don’t have an oven that works, don’t worry about it. You don’t even have to bake these brownies!

First, you need to gather the necessary ingredients to make these “unique” brownies. Normally, you would think you need flour, sugar, chocolate, blah-blah-blah. For these treats, you don’t even need brownie mix. All you need to find is something that will give that nice brown color. I usually use dirt because it gives a nice texture. For the second ingredient, all you have to get is that gallon of spoiled milk that’s probably sitting on your counter. The older it is, the better. Oh, and don’t worry about that awful smell. It will go away once you mix it with the dirt (and create a different, probably worse, smell).So were you able to combine the two? Seriously, just pour it in a bowl and mix. You don’t even need a spoon, really. Just use your hands. Perfect. When they start to look lumpy and your neighbors come over to complain about the smell, they’re done.

Next, you’re going to pour the spoiled, dirty mixture into a pan. Like I said earlier, don’t worry about the oven not working. You don’t even have to bake these. You simply leave them on the counter overnight and that’s it. Seriously, that’s it! And don’t try to taste them early, either. They need to have time to…uh…set overnight. Oh, and when you wake up, if you find something in them that you think is chocolate chips, it’s not. They’re flies. But I guess they’re safe to eat, if you really want to.

You’re done! Enjoy your brownies. But remember that I am not responsible for any injuries or deaths that come along with the making and/or eating of these brownies. And the number to call in case of emergency is 911.


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