December 26, 2011
Christmas sweatshirts of the manger scene, complete with battery-operated blinking Star in the East and push-buttons for noises of lowing cattle; 5,000,000-piece Cheeses of the World jigsaw puzzles; wind-up Funky Monkeys; Obama Family Chia Pets, and summer sausage gift packs everywhere — prepare to meet your fate. The Fat Guy in Red has hopped back on his sleigh, powered by Donder and Blitzen et al and headed back North. Christmas is over, and the gold-foil wrap, yanked off your naked and shivering, re-giftable bodies.
So, wipe your tears, This is Your Life role-playing board game. Other than falling into the hands of someone with no life and no acting talent, you have done nothing wrong. And keep your chin up, steak-knife/tweezer/flashlight/compass multitool. Some day, you’ll meet your multitasker. He’ll be the poor, lost schmuck eating his prime rib in the dark and limping from a splinter in his foot.
Aw, there now, fruitcake. Look on the bright side. Until your next gig, you can always moonlight as a doorstop or a paperweight.
As for the rest of you also-rans, buck up. Office parties, birthdays, Valentine’s Day — opportunities abound. Your time will come.